What happens in Vegas sometimes gets put on people’s blogs

I was at a get-to-know-you meeting the other day and we were asked what our most embarassing moment was.  I honestly couldn’t remember.  I’ve apparently done a good job of blocking it out.  But I remembered it this morning, and now for your edification, and since it’s Sue’s Sort-of Funny Friday, here it is.  I only made a fool of myself in front of one person, but sometimes one is too many.

When I was about 22 or 23 I had my first professional massage. It was at a spa at one of the nicer hotels in Las Vegas. I was shown to my little massage room, and unlike the spas in Utah where they are very clear about how exactly to remain modest, the lady who escorted me had nothing to say except to get undressed and wait for my masseuse.

I didn’t know that there was actually a top sheet and a bottom sheet on the massage table and that I was supposed to wiggle my way inside.

Instead I stood there for a while trying to figure out how to feel about this situation.  I’m not the kind of person who likes to frolic about undressed.  But I didn’t want to seem all prudish and uptight.  It’s a massage, for Pete’s sake, not a date!  So I stripped down to my starkers and laid on top of the table.

I can’t begin to describe how completely NAKED it feels to lie on a table NAKED. I debated whether to lie on my stomach or go for sunny-side up. It’s Vegas, after all.  They’ve seen everything! I could just picture my masseuse laughing with the other masseuses after I left, “can you believe she was lying face down?  Like I’ve never seen boobs before!”

So I went for the gusto. “No big deal, no big deal”, I kept telling myself, “they’re professionals”. Just like my first visit to the OB/GYN.

The masseuse knocked gently then walked in.

And screamed.

She slammed the door so fast I hardly knew what happened.

“Get under the sheet!” She shouted.

So I did. And I’m sure she could see the blush that went all the way to my toes.

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31 thoughts on “What happens in Vegas sometimes gets put on people’s blogs

  1. I am very very happy to say this has never happened to me and yet it all feels exactly like something I would do. Very very funny.

  2. Hilarious! I can’t believe she screamed! I’m sure they deal with people who don’t know what they’re doing alllll the time, so that was a bit of an over-reaction. ut funny none the less 🙂

  3. Yeah, she would have screamed if I had done that too but for different reasons I’m sure. It would have been more like “MY EYES! MY EYES! SOME ONE GET A HOT POKER TO BURN THIS IMAGE FROM MY MIND!!”

    Just sayin’…

    OMGosh my word verification is “ounce” Blogger is making fun of my weight. I may never blog again.

  4. A very hardy, HAR, HAR, HAR. I cannot believe I have never heard this!!! You must have been embarassed because I knew you then, and I can’t believe you never told me!!! That is HILARIOUS!!! I’m sure you never really relaxed that whole massage, and I can’t believe you ever got another!!

  5. Oh my goodness…what a story! I do hate all those awkward moments when it comes to massaging, facials, dr’s offices. I don’t go frequently enough to have it mastered. I do love your story, thanks for sharing!

  6. OH NO! This is hilarious! I was worried about what to do for my first massage as well … I opted for “panties on” “bra off” good thing they instructed me on how to get into the bed first. WOW!

  7. I’m a friend of Tiffany’s and she shared this and it made me laugh so I had to comment. I was recently on vacation at an eco-lodge in the Amazon and I signed up for a massage one afternoon. i’m generally used to the routine of crawling under the sheet and all that but this woman did not leave the room. She did not turn around. She just stood there and motioned for me to get undressed and held out a basket in which I could deposit my clothes. I shrugged and complied. She definitely would not have screamed had she walked in.

  8. Oh, you poor thing. I think she’s in the wrong line of work if she’s afraid of naked people. I know how you feel though… a little direction at times like that would be nice!

  9. having heard this story in person made it so much funnier for some reason. I laughed so hard reading it even though I had heard it before. thanks for making my day with a great story!

  10. This is why I hate professional massages. I’m so nervous that I’m doing everything wrong that I can’t actually relax. And I don’t care how many thousands of people they see a day, I can’t believe they’ve seen cellulite like mine before.

  11. I’m here from Navel Gazing. Thanks for sharing. That’s hilarious, but more importantly, it will help the rest of us avoid a similar situation in the future. 🙂

  12. Oh, man. I’ve just learned to ask. But this is the very reason I haven’t gotten a bikini wax. I don’t know what the salon etiquette on the little fifteen minutes of torture is supposed to be.

  13. P.S. Thanks for the “Tuppence a bag” suggestion! I’m totally going to use it. You have changed my family forever.

  14. Too funny. I can’t believe she screamed. Not like you were a man. I once got unnecessarily naked for my ob appointment. I thought you always had to be naked for your pregnant check ups. That was fun. At least he thanked me for getting naked when it told me it wasn’t necessary.

  15. I think that any time we are in a “naked” situation, it is iffy anyway…

    I mean, what is good naked etiquette?

  16. It’s stories like this that keep me from going for the girlie waxing! I would love to have the waxing done, but I can’t make myself go to the appointment and get through the process without melting into a pool of horrified!

    How is it that we can give birth to several children (4 in my case) and still have all of these worries? I know why~ because when your about to have a baby, there’s only one exit strategy!

    I hope the massage was amazing!

  17. I had something similar happen at a spa… it involved a “lavendar bath” treatment in an open room at a very ritzy spa. It’s funny how we pay so much to be humiliated, and all in the name of pampering and relaxation.

  18. Classic Jennie! I love it. I myself have had too many embarrassing moments to name, but I am always glad to hear that someone else out there has had a moment of mortification as well. So glad that you shared that.

  19. This is funny stuff, especially coming from someone (me) who was born & raised in Vegas. Yep, we've seen it all now. 😉 Great post.

  20. I went to a masseuse with a couple of girl friends and they were appalled that I took off my shirt, while they just lifted theirs. I should tell them this story. That masseuse screaming was unprofessional but seriously hilarious.

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