It’s the most wonderful time of the yeeeear

During this magical time of year I have several thoughts that keep running through my head.  Most are not important (natch) but they must be shared.  Consider it my Christmas gift to you.

“Jingle Bell Rock” makes me want to slit my throat.  “Jingle Bells” is almost as annoying; fortunately it’s a dumb song so it’s never on the radio.

Being the kind of person who hates making lists is usually a pretty mellow, great way to be. But it becomes necessary in December. And then those lists must be looked at often. Otherwise you end up at Michael’s twice in one day and  make the wrong cookies for the wrong activity (“wait, was I supposed to bring three dozen gingersnaps to the Ward Party and four dozen Snickerdoodles to the Middle School Cookie Exchange or was it the other way around?”)

Why must all my children have various choral/dance/piano performances at Christmastime?    I would like to hear/see them just as much–more, even–in January, when I’m not double-booked with festivities every single night.

If you ask me to do something–host the Young Women’s Christmas dinner, for example–it’s really a good idea to remind me many times, several days in advance.  Otherwise I probably will have forgotten and will choose that very day to drag out all my Christmas decorations.

Hey, pop singers, if you want to make a Christmas album, come up with some new songs of your own!  We really don’t need yet another version of “Santa Baby”.  Also if you’re Jewish it seems a little strange that you would want to make a Christmas Album.  Because you don’t, you know, believe in Christ and all that.  Although I have to admit that I do love Barbra Streisand’s version of “Jingle Bells”.

I like the idea of heated car seats, but when I feel the warmth spreading across my bum I think for a second that I’ve wet my pants.

Christmas parties are not very fun when everyone is drinking but you.  You’re old enough to not mind abstaining, but it gets very tiring saying, “no, really I’m fine.  I like Coke.”  And then everyone gets drunk and it’s awful for a whole other reason.   Bonus points of it’s your husband’s work party and you don’t know most of the people to begin with. More bonus points if you’re a stay-at-home mother and have to somehow let people know that you are intelligent and witty even though your days revolve around things like potty training and spelling lists. Even more bonus points if you put on your cute party outfit and realize that you wore it to last year’s party as well because it’s pretty much your only cute party outfit.  

9 thoughts on “It’s the most wonderful time of the yeeeear

  1. I'm with you on the heated seats.

    We Jews have Christmas Carol envy. There are only so many times one can sing "I Had A Little Dreidel" and "Rock of Ages."

    You have apparently not heard the best Jingle Bells version ever. I posted it here.

  2. Ditto on the heated seats. The sensation is worse when you are pregnant, which I am not (but have been previous Christmases).

    You are witty and smart… which is exactly why you stay home and let someone else bring home the bacon 😉

  3. Oh, Jennie! Your life is full of such Sturm und Drang! How I wish I could drop in and help you out a few hours a week (but not full time for three weeks)! I hope your cute party outfit makes you look so dang sexy that the stupid drunks have to reconsider homemakers as, if not witty and smart, extremely worthy of being "kept women". (Well, if they're drunk they don't notice you wore it last year.)

    Glad I don't have to go! I even skip my ward parties with impunity! Do I need 47 choices of dessert?

  4. I drove around with my heated seat on today, wondering if it really felt like that?!?… I just need it too much here to worry about it.

  5. even more bonus points if you can still fit into your one and only cute party outfit from last year.

  6. I live in MN and still would not want heated seats for the same reason. A remote starter however, is a must. (YOu should get one in TX, you can start the air conditioner from inside the store, it's awesome!)

    And the company party, trust me, they're so drunk they will only remember what they choose to imagine. I was quite surprised to hear the boss' wife's recollection of me that evening…I was definitely more interesting in her version.

  7. I don't like those heated seats either—-and I detest those drunk people that are leaning into you—staggering about and making fools of themselves!

    Trust me, I deal with it almost every weekend!

  8. Ugh! I HATE work parties! That is the nice thing about my DHs job…he works about 1000 miles away from everyone else in his office, so no parties.

    And I laughed out loud about the seat warmers!

    Dang I hope you are this funny in person! ;D You are the only person I know that lives within 100 miles of my new house (which we actually FOUND a house BTW!!)

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