She’s just not that into you

Dear Readers,

Have you ever had a friend dump you?  Not in a ceremonial boy/girl kind of way.  You just realize that you don’t hear from your friend unless you initiate it. Sometimes the other person doesn’t even realize that they are dumping you.  It just happens slowly and effortlessly.  You begin to realize that your friend is not sequestered away and ultra-busy, like you imagine.  That person has just clearly made a choice and is just not that into you.

To quote the playground rhyme: my mother said to pick the very best one and you. are. not. it.

And it hurts.

This happened several years ago.  It’s still sort of painful and ouchy to remember.  When I think of it happening again I have to decide.  Do I sever all communication? I feel like acting mean and bratty but that’s a little childish for a 37-year-old. Just let the relationship peter out? 

It’s really depressing.

I’m pretty sure I always like people more than they like me. Ugh.

| Filed under Uncategorized

14 thoughts on “She’s just not that into you

  1. I think sooner or later that happens to everyone at least once. I tried to patch it up, that once that I’m thinking about…didn’t work, so now that I’m over it, I just ever so kindly don’t cross paths. Works great, we’re friendly, but it never goes beyond the weather.

    It was painful though. The gift she gave me for my 40th birthday…I took it out to the garbage can with a hammer and smoosched it to pieces. Felt so good!

  2. Totally had that happen…then we both moved and I found her on facebook and I friend requested her and she ignored it! You want to shout, I’m a fun person…can’t you see it?!

    Come hang out with me anytime!

  3. yep, I agree that it happens to everyone– and I also think we probably unintentionally do it to others. and I’m thinking the movie with that title looks fun. wanna go see it with me? 😉

  4. the hard part, I think is figuring out if you’re making a fool of youself or just being a patient friend. No one wants to be viewed as an annoying leech. But you don’t want to give up on a friend if they truly are just busy. How do you know when it’s time to let go and move on?

  5. Is it possible to just talk to the friend and ask if you’ve done something to offend, and if you have you’re sorry? Then let it die if it does?

    Yes. Even unrequited LIKE hurts a lot.

  6. my friend sent me this excerpt from something not too long ago that was talking about this very thing. Maybe at the time of the dumping it was not really a dumping at all, but one of the people was in need of a different kind of relationship, more help, more sympathy, more face time, or whatever and they were not getting that from you. I know that I move through cycles where I feel like I need my friends that I have known the longest for some kind of support or just talk time.

    I think that really great friends come and go, and if we are dumped then maybe we didn’t have what someone needed at that moment in their lives, or maybe they just found out a dirty secret about you and couldn’t look you in the face anymore, either way maybe it is for the best. But I have been dumped and it does sting for awhile.

  7. Jennie, I totally have had that happen and can completely relate. Insecurities and feelings of self doubt arise and you ask yourself, “what did I do?” to make them not want to be my friend. It’s no fun at all. Been there, done that. I feel your pain. I don’t get how people can do that. Because I had to learn how to make friends a lot from moving all the time when I was a kid, I like to have a lot of friends, and not just one or two super close ones. To me, the more the merrier. And after the holidays, there’s plenty of me to love!

  8. I really am “sequestered away and ultra-busy” — my family has been through the rounds of every type of flu and cold this winter and I’m trying not to spread it. But even in healthier times I’m often too overwhelmed to maintain much of a social life, but I do always worry I’m hurting someone’s feelings.

    That said, I did “dump” someone a few years ago, because I really truly wasn’t that into her — or anyway didn’t get anything I wanted or needed out of time spent with her. I did feel bad about it, but not enough to continue trying to give her the time and energy she seemed to want from me. (And I would NOT have enjoyed the kind of confrontation over it that L. describes — because the only honest answer would have been that I really just wasn’t seeking the type of friendship she seemed to be seeking.)

  9. Happened to me. Have had more dreams about the scenario than possibly any other relationship in my life. So many unanswered questions. I guess “she’s just not that into you” is the best, shortest explanation.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *