Teenage Brain Damage

I have four teenagers. I knew when I got pregnant the fourth time in five years that one day this phase in life would come. I imagined the teenage years as being full of all sorts of drama and emotional outbursts, but honestly having teenage kids isn’t so much like that for us. Certainly there are times when I have no idea what happened to put these children in such a petulant mood but that doesn’t happen too often.  Instead the problem we face on a regular basis is stupidity; sheer, incomprehensible idiocy.

This seems to afflict boys a lot more than girls.  Let’s take tonight, for example: York, who is 18, was driving his brother Finn, who is 15, home from a church activity. They were also giving a ride to one of Finn’s friends.  They dropped off Finn’s friend and as Finn’s friend was getting out of the car, Finn got out of the back seat to get into the front seat. But York, being a teenage boy (and always ALWAYS in a hurry), didn’t notice his brother wasn’t actually in the car and drove away.

So I got a call from Finn saying that he was standing in front of his friend’s house and to please send York back. When York walked into the house a few minutes later I asked him where his brother was. “I don’t know. He was in the car and then he wasn’t.”

He was in the car and then he wasn’t.

Oh my gosh, how will this boy ever survive in the world?

When I told York what happened, he informed me that he wasn’t going back for his brother because it “wasn’t his fault” that Finn was left behind.

This, dear reader, is the other phrase that comes out of a teenager’s mouth at least once a day. Whatever happens, whether it’s flunking a class, running out of gas or not charging a cell phone it is never that child’s fault. Even if every shred of evidence points clearly to the teenager, it doesn’t matter. The teenager is always the victim.

Because I am the mother and because I am tired of such shenanigans, I sent York back to get his brother. When he got home I gave him a drug test. For real. Because either this kid is high or is totally dumb.

He was in the car and then he wasn’t.

Turns out he’s just dumb.

Every day I want to hit my head against the wall. I do not know how I am going to survive the next five years.

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14 thoughts on “Teenage Brain Damage

  1. AHAHAHAHhahahha!
    My little brothers were totally like that! So far my daughter has been a delight of a teenager, but man, now I’m nervous for her two little brothers…

    He was in the car and then he wasn’t….. I’m dying.

  2. Oh Wow! I laughed so so hard at this!! “He was there, and then he was gone.” OH MAN you are killing me! I have a 14 yr old and this is so going to be him. He already “knows” that it is never his fault!

  3. when I was pregnant I was told by a few older women when they found out I was having a boy theatboys can be so dumb. when I think back to my teenage years yeah I could see this happening with my son and it makes me laugh and shake my head it’s amazing that men rule the world isn’t it? I think it is because they have excellent female assistants. Lol.

  4. I’m just relieved he didn’t manage to run his brother over with the car. (And that STILL would not have been his fault, you know.)

    This reminded me of the time my oldest daughter lost her coat. She looked EVERYWHERE for it. I was the one who finally stumbled upon it – in her closet. And she said, “Well, how was I supposed to know to look THERE?”

    Brain damage, pure and simple.

  5. I have to tell you, I’ve read your blog for a few years with enjoyment. But I have to give you a big heartfelt thank you! For writing about your teens. It’s a rare thing to find in the perfect internet world and as a mom to almost 8 ( in April) with ages from 17 down I find on a daily basis that the teens boggle me more than the toddlers ever did. Like the day my 16 year old daughter came to see me with chagrin and embarrassment to tell me she had done something ‘dumb’. What was it? Chopping off a big chunk of her curly curly hair to make bangs. Like a 2 year old. That was the day I knew what was ahead of me.
    Thanks for sharing!

  6. The tween years have been the bane of my existence. Don’t tell me it gets worse. I have three girls so maybe they get it out of their system in the tweens and it is smooth sailing for the teenage years. Oui?

  7. Some time after I read this post, I was taking my 17-year-old son somewhere and he annoyed me by saying something in that self-satisfied, know-it-all way that teens can have, but then I remembered, “He was in the car and then he wasn’t” and cracked up.

  8. I agree whole heartedly with all the above comments! Laugh out loud content. Oh my gosh, soooo funny. Thanks for the entertainment!

  9. I just stumbled upon your blog…via one of your Pins. I have to say, you are a scream! This story about a teenager’s thought process is absolutely THE BEST!

    Laughing so hard, I am crying.

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