How about baby foreign exchange?

Remember that post a few days ago that showed the mayhem that Ada and Jasper caused? I don’t know what it is with those two, but the urge to destroy runs deep.

Since then we have had to endure:

–Writing on several walls and a dresser (courtesy of Ada). I got out the Goo Gone and the ink won’t budge. Crappy cheap markers! (Next step: Mr. Clean erasers.) I feel like I’m living in the toddler version of the Lascaux Caves; primitive neaderthal drawings everywhere I turn. I wish I could say we’re exclusively Color-Wonder from here on out, but that’s not how it goes when there are older art-inclined siblings. Apparently the padlock I put on Arabella’s art case isn’t working.

(To get a proper idea of the scale, please notice the size of the baseboard in this last picture)

–Nerf bullets that have bitten and torn apart. This is especially sad because they are from York’s Nerf gun that he bought two days ago with his own money. Somehow the babies found the Nerf darts in the ten minutes between the time York left his room to set the table and the babies sat down to eat.  And in those ten minutes the babies didn’t play with the darts.  Oh no, that would be too common. Too ordinary.  Their instincts said, “destroy!”, and they obeyed.

–Jasper nearly catching the house on fire by removing the little light bulb from a nightlight then sticking a screwdriver in the socket. Since it was an all-metal screwdriver I hope he got quite a shock and won’t try it again. Not only did his shenanigan blow a fuse, but it left a huge burn mark all over the plug. I can only imagine how disastrous this might have turned out. I’m pretty sure our prayers are the only thing keeping that boy alive.

–A cup of milk poured by Jasper into the drawer of my bedside table (on top of my disc burner and lots of other nice things).  OK, this was actually an accident, but it pissed me off terribly anyway.

–Every band-aid in the house has been opened and . . . I haven’t found them yet.  All I know is that I keep finding band-aid wrappers all over the house.  And yesterday I needed a band-aid for a particularly fierce hangnail and there were none to be found. None. (Well, I did eventually find a Dora band-aid in the bottom of the medicine basket covered with baby Motrin. )  So I expect to find a wall or a cupboard that has been plastered with band-aids.  I’ll let you know when I locate the evidence.

You guys, I’m sick of baby locks!  I’ve been dealing with these stupid things for twelve years.  I long to pull on a drawer and have it open effortlessly.  I hate that everybody has to lock their bedroom doors or feel the wrath of the evil toddlers.   Ada is almost four.  Isn’t she supposed to be over this by now?  (She’s the ringleader of the whole operation.)

This is Mister’s suggestion, “Just don’t let them out of your sight.”  Do I even have to explain the ridiculousness of that idea?  I was thinking more along the lines of baby boarding school or handcuffs.

| Filed under Bad Things, Kids

13 thoughts on “How about baby foreign exchange?

  1. I can SO relate to the destruction that only a toddler can do! Our 2 1/2 year old was using our wii as a personal piggy bank…of course it WAS ALL MY FAULT and “must have been blogging or on facebook,” it could never have happened on Daddy’s watch!! My hubby said the same thing, “WATCH YOUR SON! DON’T LET HIM OUT OF YOUR SIGHT!”
    GOOD LUCK TO YOU!! Know that you are NOT ALONE!!
    Thanks for making me laugh this morning!

  2. Ahh the lovely situations that Moms have to deal with. I wish you luck…Ada is always welcome over at our house, Lydia (whose 2) is bossy and a tattle tale and could be her shadow…ahha, well if the magic eraser doesn’t work…try using toothpaste, not the gel kind, but the paste. I have gotten permanent marker off of fridges, dishwashers, and tables before with using the paste. It is awesome. Lotsa love!

  3. Not to change the subject, because you know I love toddler destruction, and could converse about it all day long every day, but your new profile picture is HOT!

  4. Most famous, true, Mother in law quote: “Maybe you should just watch them better?”

    Do ya think?!!!!!

    (And she tortures herself questioning why we aren’t close…)

  5. I'm liking the handcuffs idea.

    Don't they have them in a pink fuzzy material that S & M'er's use?


    By the by, my daughter drew on EVERYTHING and she ate EVERYTHING—it was horrific!

    I feel for you.

  6. Wow! What is it with those two? Daphne would get spanked to oblivion if she ever wrote on anything like that. She got in big trouble for writing on the furniture with chalk when she was a year and a half old and that was the end of that (knock on wood). Whenever I think I have it bad because Beck has poured cereal on the floor or emptied out all the silverware, I’ll think of your kids and realize it could be worse. Sorry!

  7. Oh lordy, I’m with you. My toddler (Margaret btw) is sooo destructive. In fact, I need to check on her now…..

  8. I am soooo with you.

    I suggest opening a terrorist training school. Putting their knowledge to good use.

  9. Okay I am a total blog slacker so I decided tonight to CATCH UP!!! LOL I LOVE IT, Matthew and Ady would give your two a run for their money. Thus the reason I never check the blog I can’t be gone for two seconds….luck has it they are asleep and it’s nearing midnight. Man I miss you Jennie. I will have to email you soon.

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